SILENT SCREAM SOLILOQUIES

To be born or not to be born--that is not the question.

Lo! every child was heaven-destined,
Before the earth's foundation.

You, my son and daughter, have neither decision
To being and becoming,
Nor creation and destruction.

Apart from Divine Providence--you can do nothin'.

But in Spirit and in Truth,
Behold! shall you be born again.

From the Womb where thy Lord's Mercy's abounding,
Listen to the healing voice of 
Your child's silent scream.

DO ABORTED BABIES GO TO HEAVEN?  How about stillborn babies?  Should Vangie and I continue praying for Marigold, Ivan and Jon-Fergus whom we lost due to spontaneous abortion or miscarriage?

One of the saddest moments of our lives as a young couple of two months happened on Valentine's Day of 1982 when our first baby miscarried, six weeks into Vangie's pregnancy.  We didn't even know that she was pregnant.  She started bleeding while doing the laundry, and so I had to rush her to the nearby Holy Name Hospital.  We were devastated when we found out, and kept crying until that night we got home.

For me, the pain of losing our first baby began dissipating only when I gave our daughter her name Marigold and included her in my prayers every day because I wanted her to go to heaven and not end up in limbo (whose concept was included in the teaching of the Catholic Church, but never as a dogma or doctrine, and later abolished in 2007).

On my 50th birthday, I bought Vangie at the art auction during our 11-day Carribean cruise celebration, a beautiful lithograph by a South American painter depicting a girl and two boys looking like brothers and sister and having fun Easter egg-hunting in heaven, in order to commemorate the three babies that we lost.  And, the other year, I enrolled Marigold with Ivan and Jon-Fergus at the Divine Mercy Shrine of the Holy Innocents in Stockbridge, MA.

As for Vangie, her maternal instinct and deep faith in the Lord convinced her early on that our daughter Marigold was fine and all grown up, when a young visionary saw and heard her singing and looking like the twin sister of our 12-year old son Osbert, while she and our 10 year old daughter Claire-Voe (who was born on Valentine's Day) were playing in our family room.

Vangie and I were already in the Charismatic Renewal when that incident happened, but we didn't tell anyone except her brother and sisters.  And, even though we believed in the teaching of the Catholic Church that life begins at the moment of conception, we kept our belief in private and shied away from joining pro-life activities,  such as the Stations of the Cross procession lead by the Franciscan Friars of the Renewal and the Legion of Mary every Good Friday, which ends up in front of the abortion clinic in Englewood, NJ.

However, six years ago, we said yes to Santo Nino and prayed for the end of abortion by participating in the pro-life procession in Englewood with the Friars and Legionnaries, instead of having our prayer group sponsored Seven Last Words of Jesus Recollection or attending the indoor Youth and outdoor Spanish Stations of the Cross in our parish.

And, two years ago at the Mercy Conference in the Bronx, I was touched and moved to pray again to Santo Nino for the healing of mothers and fathers of aborted babies, after listening to the enlightening, heartfelt and Divine Mercy-filled talk of Father Pavone, the director of Priests for Life.

I came out of the whole day Conference filled with the Holy Spirit and determined to pray also for aborted babies in our Santo Nino Healing Prayer Ministry.  After all, I asked myself: Are they not also victims of child abuse (approximately 50 million babies in the United States alone, since Roe vs. Wade) who need our prayers?  Or, shall I just assume that all aborted babies went straight to heaven, and do nothing?

Father Korapi who always reminded Catholics not to assume anything when it comes to their faith, came to mind and inspired me to find the truth.  I google searched the Internet and got more confused in reading the contradictory arguments on the subject by different theologians who quoted the Bible and cited Catholic teachings through the ages.  I asked several priests, and almost all seemed to think that, indeed, the aborted babies went to heaven through the Mercy of God because they died as Holy Innocents.  So, I rested my search right there.

Until one night, I dreamed of a walking, naked, little baby following me as soon as I entered a primitive roadside restaurant along a mountainous zigzag road that looked like the Kennon Road to Baguio City.  I sat down to eat and talk to an American guy whom I was supposed to meet there, and felt the baby touching me from behind.  I turned around, looked down and saw this sickly tiny face full of mucus staring at me, told him to stop and resumed my conversation with the American.  But, the baby kept touching me, and I thought that maybe he wanted me to play with him.  So, I asked him to wait on the side and promised him that I would play with him after I finished talking to my guest.  That was the end of my dream.

The following day,  after praying to St. Joseph to help me with my dream, Sis. Lulu who is also in the Renewal called to ask for prayers herself, and I told her about the dream.  She thought that the baby in my dream was an aborted baby who wants something from me, such as prayers.  In my mind, I thought of our last baby Jon-Fergus who didn't grow big enough when we saw his picture on the sonogram.  Vangie and I decided to keep him even with the doctor's prognosis that he would be born with disabilities.  Unfortunately, we lost Jon-Fergus a few days later, before Vangie's last trimester.

After I got off the phone, another sister from the Renewal who had been spiritually healed from having an abortion in the past, called to confirm her upcoming talk with our group, and I told her about the dream and Sis. Lulu's discernment.  She advised me to go to the Shrine of of St. Gerard who is the patron saint of expectant mothers and ask for his intercession, and to pray to Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament Who is exposed in perpetual adoration in the same church of St. Lucy in Newark, and ask for guidance.

Vangie and I followed her advice every Tuesday on our way to the Bible Study in Newark.  At the same time, we also prayed for our personal intention, and for unemployed relatives, friends and members of our prayer group to find jobs and ease the burdens of the recession in their families.  

Praise God! because our personal intention had been granted and a number of people we prayed for had found jobs.  But, I was still waiting for a definitive answer from Santo Nino.  Does Santo Nino really want us to pray for aborted children in His Healing Ministry?

Finally, His answer came through His Mother---Our Lady of Guadalupe, before Mother's Day.  I happened to mention my impatience for an answer outside the church  after Mass to Sis. Veronica--a wonderful mother and grandmother herself, who's been in the Renewal for 35 years.  She told me that one day she prayed and asked for the intercession of Our Lady of Guadalupe while putting her hand on the picture where Mary's heart is, and felt her heartbeat.  Also, her petition was granted, and that I should try it.

I did.  From then on, every time I went to St. John Church, I would go to the vestibule at the main entrance and approach the life-size image of Our Lady of Guadalupe. However, instead of touching her heart, I touched her womb (because I learned from the Spanish parishioner who brought the same picture at home many years ago that she was pregnant with Jesus) and prayed to Santo Nino inside her womb for an answer.  I never felt the heartbeat of Santo Nino.  But a week after, I received a message from Him for all the mothers and fathers who had their babies aborted, and that is---To touch the womb of His Mother, listen in their heart to the voice of their child who had been silenced  by abortion and ask for God's Mercy, and they will receive forgiveness, healing and conversion from the Lord.

Our Lady of Guadalupe

Would you like to share your conversion experience through God's mercy, healing and forgiveness, or the intercession of Our Lady?  Maybe praise and thank the Lord for all of the above, including miracles, blessings, and even sufferings that you endured for your love of God?  Kindly email us your sharing, praising or thanksgiving using the form below, and your anonymous testimony may be published below.