What could possibly be the reason for someone rich, famous, successful, admired, loved, or has all the reasons to live, to commit suicide? I'm not just talking about recent celebrities: Anthony Bourdain, Kate Spade, Avicii, or Robin Williams a few years back, who shocked, disheartened and made us think of our own fragility, mortality and the meaning of life, by hanging themselves, or cutting their veins, and ending their lives; but the more than 45,000 people, every year in the US alone, who probably woke up calm, fuzzy, or dreadful that day, and decided, with or with no regrets, to end it all?
Mind you, but I'm not saying this with disdain or judgement in my heart for them, because I thought of commiting suicide myself when I was in college (see Personal Testimony at-- InSearchOfPerfectFriendship.com) and thank God that I didn't.
I still have regrets though. I don't regret not retiring 15 years ago at the peak of my real estate business when we had enough money saved for our children to finish college, and could all live comfortably, while pursuing a career in filmmaking by making movies in the Philippines, because Gie & our kids objected to our long distance physical separation, and the danger or devil's temptation of breaking our marriage and close family ties. Afterall, Jesus himself said in Mark's Gospel, "And if a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand." Neither do I lose sleep at night thinking that I could have been a priest, lawyer or diplomat, instead of being a teacher and salesman, because the biggest role or vocation that I'm most proud of, or relish constantly here on earth, and therefore will never stop being that person, is that of a Dad.
However, I do regret failing to support my son Osbert when he first broached the idea of pursuing his passion for baseball as a career, before graduating from Georgetown. Not only did I discourage him from going to Dominican Republic and running St. Louis Cardinals Baseballl Academy there, but could have thwarted his dream forever, if I did not stop barking at him. Otherwise, he would not have pursued his MBA at Columbia, and visited the White House with the Houston Astros who were welcomed & honored as World Series Champs last year by President Trump. Neither could he have risen the management ranks, nor garnered two World Series Championship rings, if he went to Wall Street just to please me, and did not listen to his instinct & follow his mind by working with the above baseball teams (not to mention the fact that I personally would not have come to learn, love, and enjoy the great American pastime of baseball, if not for him.)
But, my biggest regret is missing my beautiful daughter Claire-Voe's formal & gorgeous wedding to Kendra in Puerto Rico, specially the conspicuously absent Father & Daughter dance during the reception because I was not there. Yes, Gie & me attended their rustic, simple but elegant civil wedding at a country winery in rural New Jersey with only their immediate family & closest friends; and I could still savor dancing with her during her Sweet 16 party at home in Bergenfield, New Jersey; and again in Macabebe, Pampanga, Philippiines where she had another party with our family, Papa, Mama, all relatives, friends, and neighbors when she turned 18. However, as her Dad, I could have been at her destination wedding in Puerto Rico, supporting and dancing with her, instead of her brother Osbert representing me; while I stayed home with Gie because we both wanted to see her get married inside a Christian church, and blessed by God. And as we watched their nuptial video later on and saw Osbert proposed a toast in our absence, the more I regretted not being there for Daddy's little girl. Still, the incorrigible optimist in me vows to burn the dance floor with her when the time comes (someday, as our daughter Claire-Voe celebrates her Silver Wedding Anniversary with Kendra & their kids) by hopefully renewing their union inside the Christian church that they go to now; while I ask our Lord & Savior Jesus Christ to pour out His Divine Mercy & Forgiveness in me for hardening my heart, judge my actions as a loving father & grandpa, and not as blasphemy against the Holy Spirit.
But what constitutes blasphemy against the Holy Spirit, which is an unforgivable sin? Is suicide due to hopelessness one of them? Does God forgive those who kill themselves, especially if they don't believe in Him?
(To be continued...)
Mind you, but I'm not saying this with disdain or judgement in my heart for them, because I thought of commiting suicide myself when I was in college (see Personal Testimony at-- InSearchOfPerfectFriendship.com) and thank God that I didn't.
I still have regrets though. I don't regret not retiring 15 years ago at the peak of my real estate business when we had enough money saved for our children to finish college, and could all live comfortably, while pursuing a career in filmmaking by making movies in the Philippines, because Gie & our kids objected to our long distance physical separation, and the danger or devil's temptation of breaking our marriage and close family ties. Afterall, Jesus himself said in Mark's Gospel, "And if a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand." Neither do I lose sleep at night thinking that I could have been a priest, lawyer or diplomat, instead of being a teacher and salesman, because the biggest role or vocation that I'm most proud of, or relish constantly here on earth, and therefore will never stop being that person, is that of a Dad.
However, I do regret failing to support my son Osbert when he first broached the idea of pursuing his passion for baseball as a career, before graduating from Georgetown. Not only did I discourage him from going to Dominican Republic and running St. Louis Cardinals Baseballl Academy there, but could have thwarted his dream forever, if I did not stop barking at him. Otherwise, he would not have pursued his MBA at Columbia, and visited the White House with the Houston Astros who were welcomed & honored as World Series Champs last year by President Trump. Neither could he have risen the management ranks, nor garnered two World Series Championship rings, if he went to Wall Street just to please me, and did not listen to his instinct & follow his mind by working with the above baseball teams (not to mention the fact that I personally would not have come to learn, love, and enjoy the great American pastime of baseball, if not for him.)
But, my biggest regret is missing my beautiful daughter Claire-Voe's formal & gorgeous wedding to Kendra in Puerto Rico, specially the conspicuously absent Father & Daughter dance during the reception because I was not there. Yes, Gie & me attended their rustic, simple but elegant civil wedding at a country winery in rural New Jersey with only their immediate family & closest friends; and I could still savor dancing with her during her Sweet 16 party at home in Bergenfield, New Jersey; and again in Macabebe, Pampanga, Philippiines where she had another party with our family, Papa, Mama, all relatives, friends, and neighbors when she turned 18. However, as her Dad, I could have been at her destination wedding in Puerto Rico, supporting and dancing with her, instead of her brother Osbert representing me; while I stayed home with Gie because we both wanted to see her get married inside a Christian church, and blessed by God. And as we watched their nuptial video later on and saw Osbert proposed a toast in our absence, the more I regretted not being there for Daddy's little girl. Still, the incorrigible optimist in me vows to burn the dance floor with her when the time comes (someday, as our daughter Claire-Voe celebrates her Silver Wedding Anniversary with Kendra & their kids) by hopefully renewing their union inside the Christian church that they go to now; while I ask our Lord & Savior Jesus Christ to pour out His Divine Mercy & Forgiveness in me for hardening my heart, judge my actions as a loving father & grandpa, and not as blasphemy against the Holy Spirit.
But what constitutes blasphemy against the Holy Spirit, which is an unforgivable sin? Is suicide due to hopelessness one of them? Does God forgive those who kill themselves, especially if they don't believe in Him?
(To be continued...)
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